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7:39 am
March 2, 2012
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Michelle (Making Sense of Cents)
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Hi everyone. Happy Friday.
I'm hoping this is in the right section for my question. This is probably too much information for Yakezie, but I feel that all of you are great advice givers, and I want advice from the best and people who understand.
My father passed away almost 4 years ago. He left everything to me and my sister, but my mom kept on asking us to sign everything over to her. I was 18 when he passed, and didn't think my mom was out to get me.
I thought I had given her everything, but the other day she told me there was more and asked me to sign over the rest to her. I told her I won't sign over my sister's half of this (I'm the custodial signature for my sister on this account).
What do I do? I know the obvious answer is that I'm an enabler and should stop, but I'm feeling stuck. I don't want to lose nearly the last piece of family that I have.
Can anyone relate to this? How should I tell her no? She said she needs the money for her bills, but I have my own bills to pay also so that doesn't make any sense. In the past I didn't care about the money because of course I'd rather have my dad back, but now I think she's just being ridiculous.
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8:31 am
March 2, 2012
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Edward Antrobus
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This is a tricky one. We have a couple of relatives who are just constantly asking for money. We had to start telling them that we don't have any spare money to give them, which actually is true right now.
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10:09 am
March 2, 2012
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Michelle (Making Sense of Cents)
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Edward Antrobus said:
This is a tricky one. We have a couple of relatives who are just constantly asking for money. We had to start telling them that we don't have any spare money to give them, which actually is true right now.
Yeah it is tricky. I'm pretty upset that she hid this money from us as well. She just sent me a text one minute ago that asked me if I was done filling out the transfer forms…
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7:01 pm
March 2, 2012
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WorldofFinance
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Wow! That is a sticky one. I'm assuming your sister is younger than you are if you have to sign for her? Hard to give any advice without knowing the whole story. Sounds like you know what the right answer is but you are unsure how to follow-through with it. Best wishes and hope it turns out for the best.
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7:21 pm
March 2, 2012
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Michelle (Making Sense of Cents)
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WorldofFinance said:
Wow! That is a sticky one. I'm assuming your sister is younger than you are if you have to sign for her? Hard to give any advice without knowing the whole story. Sounds like you know what the right answer is but you are unsure how to follow-through with it. Best wishes and hope it turns out for the best.
Yeah she is younger. My dad left everything to us because my mother is a horrible greedy woman and they divorced when I was 8.
Anyways, I told her no today, she told me she's never talking to me again. Problem solved I guess…
Thanks everyone! I will get past this.
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7:25 pm
March 2, 2012
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WorldofFinance
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Sounds like you made the right decision – right but not easy…. if you need anything feel free to shot me an email. :)
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8:05 pm
March 2, 2012
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Michelle (Making Sense of Cents)
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WorldofFinance said:
Sounds like you made the right decision – right but not easy…. if you need anything feel free to shot me an email. :)
Thanks so much!
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10:00 pm
March 2, 2012
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Jeff Rose
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I can definitely relate. Both my parents were horrible at managing money. When I grandmother passed, she had split my dads share 50% with me. She knew if she gave it all to him that he would blow it. And my mom wasn't much better. (They are divorced).
My dad asked me to "borrow" a portion of the inheritance after I had already given him $8k. Around the same time, my mom had asked me to co-sign on a loan for some investment property in Last Vegas back in 2004 (I think we all know what happened there) because her credit was so bad and she couldn't get approved.
Luckily, I said no to both, but it was one of the hardest things for me to do. My dad handled it well, but my mom was obviously upset. She couldn't believe that I wouldn't do this for her.
I'm so thankful that I did! Saying NO empowers you. Hopefully, your mom will get over it. Even if she doesn't, you can be assured that you made the right decision.
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3:54 am
March 3, 2012
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Parenting and Money
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Hi, I'm new here but I want to add that you did the right thing.
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5:52 am
March 3, 2012
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jaicatalano
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Unfortunately when it comes to money you can't truly know how she is going to react when you tell her no. Keep in your heart you are doing the right thing. My aunt abandoned the family in the late 80's. When my father pre deceased my grandfather she became a loving daughter again until he passed. It was pretty ugly. She is now back to her old ways.
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4:30 am
March 5, 2012
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MoneyBeagle
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Well, you have to look at it that you and your sister having the money was what your dad wanted since that's the way he wrote the will. For your mom to just ask for the money and expect it is not right. I'm glad you stuck to your guns on this one.
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5:44 am
March 5, 2012
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Frugal Confessions
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I an surprised she asked you to sign it over to her since he clearly wanted to give it to you guys. I am sure there is much involved…but can I ask why you signed it over to her in the first place? You and your sister could have used that money for college perhaps. I am sure there was a lot of pressure though.
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6:04 am
March 5, 2012
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Michelle (Making Sense of Cents)
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Thanks everyone. I'm sure I made the right decision. I'm hoping my mom will change, but I know I can't count on that.
@Amanda, we signed it over to her because I guess we were afraid of losing our mother as well, and we were young and were naive.
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9:58 am
March 5, 2012
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YPFinances
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I just wanted to echo everyone else and say that you definitely did the right thing. I can't imagine how hard it was for you – losing parents is such a hard thing to go through that it must have taken you a lot of strength to do that. I hope one day she can learn to forgive you and understand why you told her no.
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4:36 pm
March 7, 2012
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Freedom 48
| | Ottawa, Canada | |
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That's a horrible position for her to put you in!
I echo what everyone else said… you most definitely did the right thing. You already gave her some money – so you deserve to be able to keep the rest (and your dad would want you to keep it)
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