I have been blogging for nearly two years now, and I have learned so much along the way. I still have much to learn, and I still consider myself a small blogger. I’ve never been that big on networking, and I have preferred to build small relationships here and there, and focus more on content.
There is a problem with this, though: We can have great content, or we can have a great product, but it doesn’t matter if people can’t find it!
One of the things I have learned is that networking is a big way to get out there, get help, and help others at the same time. I have seen it in the job market, where my recommendations were the catalyst in getting a couple of my friends employed at my former workplace, and where I myself have been able to get in because of recommendations from fellow colleagues. I have seen it in the blogosphere, where some people are absolutely amazing at getting themselves out there and connecting with others.
Networking is one way that we can get ourselves out there, but at the same time, networking can come across as shady. Nobody wants to come across as cheesy or as a douche. We all know that type of person, who pesters us relentlessly to sign up to their MLM scheme or other thing, and tells us how much we will benefit. They may be sincere, but there is a point where it becomes sleazy. We obviously look for a mutual gain when we seek out a new connection, but how do we do it without becoming a douche?
Ask, and ye shall receive.
Sometimes, we are so afraid of coming across as a douche that we are afraid to ask for help. I think this approach is too cynical, and I believe that many people are only too willing and glad to help, if only you give them the chance!
Let’s say you have been developing a niche site, for example. You have been spending some time on building up content, and now you want to give the site a little bit more visibility. One approach could be to approach an industry leader in the niche, and ask if you could offer a short post or blurb to be posted on their site. Since you believe in mutually beneficial relationships, you already have a link to them on your site.
In this case, what’s the worst that could happen? Unless you’re a spammer, you probably have decent content, and your intent is sincere. The worst that could happen is a “polite no”, but chances are that the person on the other end may be happy to help, and it could be the start of a great new relationship.
Give, in order to get.
The saying is true: if you help someone out, they are much more likely to be willing to help you in return. I prefer having something to give so that I feel that the relationship can be mutually beneficial.
Take link exchanges for example. We all know the type of marketer that asks you for a “blogroll exchange” or “guest post exchange”, without mentioning that their site is in a bad neighbourhood and they’re likely to benefit a lot more from the exchange than you will. This is what I consider to be a rather douchey form of marketing, since it is obvious that one party will be losing and one will be winning.
On the other hand, what if it’s a fellow personal finance blogger that wants to submit a guest post? You head over to the site, it seems clean and legit, and the posts seem pretty good. In this case, I see a guest post as a mutually beneficial exchange, even if our sites have different rankings. Why? I get some great content and I get to help out another blogger at the same time, building up a relationship with them. I am not a big blogger by any means, and I was once a complete newbie, so I understand what it’s like to be there.
Maximize your EV.
Sometimes, we look at the short-term gains, without considering all of the opportunity costs or tradeoffs. It can make more sense to take less of a gain today, so you can take more of a gain tomorrow. It’s advantageous to build a mutually beneficial relationship with someone, even at the expense of some short-term gains, because over the long run, the both of you can benefit a lot more.
I believe that getting over mistakes is an important part of maximizing life EV. Everybody messes up, and everybody makes mistakes, myself included. Maybe you did a faux pas at a dinner meeting? Maybe you said something on a public forum that you wish you hadn’t? As much as we like to try, we can’t be perfect all of the time. The big mistake would be to hold yourself back because you ended up making a big thing out of nothing!
Dear reader, what are your tips for networking and self-promotion, without coming across as a douche? I try to stir up some controversy from time to time, so don’t hesitate to call me out if and when I do cross the line. :)
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I’m always annoyed when I go to a networking event and the person I’m chatting with is clearly uninterested in what I have to say. I’m not boring (at least I don’t think I am). It’s just this type of character is so consumed with promoting himself, he doesn’t try to offer anything of value to other people. And it’s really obvious he’s being insincere. He gives himself away when his eyes start darting around the room as soon as he’s done yammering and you’ve finally found an opening to speak.
The only way I know to network like a non-douche is to listen to people. I mean really listen and engage them. Ask ’em questions. People like talking about themselves and what they do. I see it as an opportunity to connect with others and learn something.
That can be frustrating, especially when the person doesn’t seem very concerned about you. On the other hand, I guess the trouble that happens then is what if the person talks too much and though you enjoy the company, you want to break away without seeming rude? Does a trip to the bathroom or a drink refill work? ;)
I think genuine networking and helping other people is the best form of promotion. People remember when you help out and it build online friendships. Then, when you have something you want to promote, you aren’t coming across as a stranger when you ask someone to help promote.
So the first step is to get to know people out there. Give.
Good point, Glen. I agree and I personally would rather have something to offer before I ask, because I believe that it should be mutual and not one-sided.
Thank you for sharing these insights. As a newbie to the blog world I often wonder how to go about building exposure as well as following proper etiquette. This gets me started. Thanks again.
I am still learning new things everyday, myself. :)
You were right on with this article. Helping others is definitely the best form of promotion. Everyone has the “what can they do for me” type mentality and when you help others you may truly find it rewarding but to others it is a breath of fresh air…I was reading the article to see if there was another word besides douche too…but i think you hit the nail on the head when you use that word because we all can picture that person.
It seemed like the perfect word to use. ;) I think if you look at things as a sum of repeated exchanges rather than one-off, there is much more motivation to be reciprocal, because people are more willing to help you out if you help them out, first.
Great tips. Nothing I hate more than getting slimed. By the way, awesome picture.
I am naturally an introvert, though I force myself into extrovert mode all the time. This makes me hate networking. But I’ve convinced myself that l like making friends, and networking is the way to get that done. I also try to remember the Zig Ziglar phrase, “help people get what they want and you’ll always get what you want.”
I am a very introverted person and networking doesn’t come naturally to me at all. However, there’s only so much one person can accomplish by themselves. Asking for help can be OK, especially if you can also give and build it up into a relationship down the road. :)
I believe networking is more giving than asking. On forums I called out for help in voting, commenting etc many times. but I did make sure to oblige to others’ requests.
If you cna’t help others and only seek help then you are definitely a Douche
It’s true that if you do give, others will be happier in giving back. The thing about the Internet is I think people are quicker to call each other out. Face to face you might keep a semblance of politeness but that doesn’t last long on the Internet. On the bright side, if you are willing, you can learn quickly that way. ;)
I think many people are guilty of douchebaggery particularly online. I think it’s perfectly fine to ask for a RT, or FB likes every now and again. BUT, when every other thing coming from someone is a request for promotion I find it very off-putting, even if they do happen to promote others as well. How many times can one person “have an awesome post” for everyone to RT, share, promote etc?! Especially in one day. [Yeah, I know, even I think a lot of my stuff should be received better than it does, but we’re all biased in that regard]. There definitely has to be some sort of self restraint. It goes for other things as well.
I don’t particularly care to see forum posts or tweets or email updates about every little thing a person’s site accomplished. If you dropped a couple of alexa spots, great! If someone big commented on your post, awesome! If you got a big advertiser to pay you, super! However, these aren’t huge things that add to the PR (public relations, that is) power of your brand. After a while, it just comes off as braggadocios rather than anything else, even if the intent wasn’t so.
It’s all about picking spots–knowing what things to bring to the forefront of everyone’s attention–being very selfless in terms of giving without expecting anything in return, not just showing up to the party when you need something, and generally just being considerate of other people.
Great point. You have to keep the signal to noise ratio down, otherwise there’s less value and less incentive for people to help you. It’s almost like the “boy who cried wolf” parable but in another context. Sometimes I feel guilty of this myself, as we all want to promote our media mentions, or contests, or things like that. :) If we also help to promote others, and more importantly, not bash others, I think it’s fine.
To clarify, I mean to say, keep noise down, and signal up. ;)
I’m more comfortable helping promote other people’s stuff than my own. I am also an introvert in my real life, and my online life allows me to control who I can help.
I don’t seek out a big circle even online, but the advantage is it’s easier to find people who align with your interests. Back in the physical world, it’s tough to find someone who even gives 2 cents about a blog. ;)
It takes me a LOOOONG time before I ever ask anybody for anything. In the online world, maybe 6 months to 1 year before I consider asking if I can guest post, get help with this promotion or whatever.
I just really want to earn the ability to get help to the point where there’s no question or doubt on the other side’s mind if and when I ask.
Amen. I always so guilty asking for something as I don’t feel like I have earned that right.
I like this style of doing things, too. I have not promoted myself as much as I perhaps should have on some of the larger sites, because I want to write something good and not disappoint. ;)
On the other hand at some point you gotta get over that feeling. People usually over-judge their own selves, but sometimes it goes the other way?
I hate rejection so it took me a while to ask for guest posts, even though I know we have solid, well researched content. I think as long as you are sincere and genuinely want to help other people, that will come across in your approach. It took a long time for me to not take the “no” answers personally, but I have developed a thicker skin. The most important thing is to be gracious and polite, and definitely give before you receive!
I used to be absolutely terrified of rejection (probably still am in some aspects), but you know, the first time is the worst. The more you get rejected, the easier it is, and ironically the better off you will be! What is there to be afraid of when you’ve been through the mud? I am probably not pushing myself as hard as I should because I still share some of this fear, myself.
Hilarious…For about a year I’ve wanted to incorporate “douche” into one of my headlines. Great information here as well. The people that seem to move up the corporate ladder are the ones that show confidence in themselves. Sometimes it’s okay to be douchey.
Sometimes it can be a fine line! I think the real winner though is people who can be confident and win over people. Too much douche and everyone ends up hating them.
I have a problem with asking; for anything. Started learning to do it in the last three-four years but a lon g way to go yet. As to networking, I have found that enabling people to talk about themselves is a very good one. This way, they remember you (hey, how often you meet someone really interested in you) and you get out with more than they do – you have learned what there is to know about them and you are still a mystery; a known one. Good basis for enchatment!
Haha, so I have heard! I am not a big talker anyways so this strategy is a good one for me. The only question is, what if the other person has too much to say? I hate breaking off a convo and it makes me feel douchey.
I think sincerity goes a long way. It doesn’t take long to figure out who are the most “real” folks out there. I don’t mind helping those who are truly doing good for others.
I’m very introverted as well, but I find humor helps me feel more at ease reaching out.
Do you ever find it can be draining if you don’t have the same natural energy that others do in the same situation, like when doing seminars? I know a person that can be your best friend even though she just met you and has insatiable energy for everything. Her mom must have drank a lot of coffee during her pregnancy! ;)
I think the key to networking is to write amazing content for other sites. It doesn’t mean that you write inferior quality content for your site, it means that you save best of your work for the guest post. As James Allen wrote in his famous book As a Man Thinketh, “give other more in service than you expect to receive in payment” — a perfect formula for successful networking.
I agree with this, Shilpan. Wise advice for anyone to follow. :)
For me, asking someone for help has never been easy. I did however learn that sometimes, it is ok to and you are not necessarily a douche for doing so.
It is all in your delivery and in what you have to offer.
Completely agreed! Intent means a lot. Sometimes intent can be misinterpreted but people are happy to help out so long as they don’t sniff out an intent of someone trying to take advantage of them.
There is a ton of networking involved with my job. The underling theme is to be genuine. There are many times I help people without asking for anything in return. I know for a fact that these simple gestures turn into gold among conversations around our industry. And if you do need to ask for something, make sure you show your gratitude. Networking is all about how many doors you leave open.
I believe it’s important not to burn bridges anywhere you go. Sometimes it can happen because others want to, but you can usually de-escalate and limit the damage. The more bridges you have open, the more routes you have available to you. :)
My gig is all about networking, too. For a few years I tried to make sure everyone knew I wanted to make connections, etc., and got decent result. Then one of my mentors kept yelling at me every time I used the word “I” or “me” and forced me to use “you” or “us” phrases. So I started asking: what are you looking to do, how can I help you meet the people you need to know, etc. and then follow through. Amazingly, I get more referrals now than ever before. Great stuff.
This is pretty good advice, Nick! I’m going to have to remember that for the future. Thanks for sharing this. :)
Great guide especially for someone new like me. It’s not easy to be a newbie in blogging. There are times when you ask yourself if you can really make it. But I guess there are people here like Sam of Financial Samurai and Mike of The Financial Blogger who respond to email and questions to newbie.
Cheers!
-Meiko
This is very true and informative. Every time I ask for help something opens up. HELP! Let’s see what happens. Great article.
From what I’ve seen you’ve done a great job helping others. The photo series is neat, too. :)
I’m realising how important it is to comment on other peoples’ posts. It’s helpful to the blogger but also to yourself as people see your name and start to recognise your brand.
It’s hard to find the time to do this sometimes, but if I see someone comment 3-4 times, I really will try to reciprocate, or at least give them a shoutout. I remember once upon a time when I was the newbie and it felt great when the other blogger took the time to come back and visit. :)
I try to find something in common with the other person. For me, networking is creating a (casual) friend. It grows from there into something, if you nurture it.
Do you think it’s also important to let the person know when you don’t share an interest? It never feels good to talk about something and find out the other person doesn’t give two hoots even though they are pretending like they are, and at the same time if someone talks to me about something I don’t know much about or am not interested in, I’ll try to let them politely know as I feel that’s better than pretending that I know what they’re talking about or that I am very interested, if I’m not. Where is the line here though? Nobody… well we for sure, don’t want to be assholes. :)
I try to comment on blogs but only if I have something to add to the conversation. I don’t like if someone were to come around and just say “good post”. That just seems like they want my audience to go to their site.
I had one person who asked for a blogroll exchange very soon after I started my blog. I looked at his site and he had been blogging for a year or so so I thought he would have some traffic. I didn’t add it right away and he began getting pushy and telling me to add his site to my blogroll. I added and then saw I got no traffic from him. So I looked closer at his site and his posts were only around a paragraph long and didn’t make much sense. Then I looked even closer and there wasn’t one comment on any of his posts.
I feel bad ragging on him but he clearly was only in it for him and I got the very short end of the stick.
I don’t like the blogroll exchange thing because it starts to feel like some kind of a high school clique. “Oh, how come I’m not on your blogroll? How come that person is?”. I don’t want to leave anyone out because I don’t want it to be like that, but at the same time there are the sites like you mentioned. :)
I ended up moving the blogroll to a “Recommended Reading” page and I kept a section for top commentators. What do you think about that change?
I like your way of handling the blogroll issue, but I am going to stick to my blogroll being sites that I read regularly. No blogs on there asked to be on it, they are just the ones I enjoy a lot and I though of when I was making the list. There are others I need to add but if anybody asks I will add them if I read their blog and if I don’t I will tell them that honestly.
Something I actually liked about some Blogger sites is that instead of a blogroll, they showed the most recent posts from a bunch of sites that the blogger was following. I always found that neat and discovered some cool blogs that way. :)
It’s tough not to be cynical and wonder “what’s the catch” when someone approaches you; at least I know (and I’m not BS’ing) that the majority of Yakezie members generally DO look to help each other out more than they take.
The Yakezie does seem to be largely an exception when it comes to this. I like that, and it’s unfortunate that there are some out there that attack us as a group!
I feel you on this one – it’s hard to ask for things online without the benefit of body language, haha. I’ve always had a harder time reading intent through email (or posts/comments) than on a phone or in person – but that’s the name of the game, isn’t it?
Yakezie has been eye-opening for me, as the number of people who are willing to help selflessly is eye-opening!
That’s what drew me into the Yakezie in the first place, and it’s what I think is its ultimate underlying strength.
Networking is a skill I need to work on and I am learning it very well through Yakezie. I think its all about selflessly promoting others and forming a long term relationship :)
Great post
Thanks, KK! This is what I love about the Yakezie as well. Many of them are willing to extend their hand, so no harm in following those opportunities. For example, a lot of members here are always willing to put up a guest post for a fellow member or challenger. ;)
I need to try harder at networking – I just read and comment on other people’s blogs on a regular (almost daily) basis and hope that they’ll take notice and add me to their blog roll or, come read my blog. I need to step it up a notch.
Commenting is a great way to be noticed if you do it over a period of time, and a great way to network with the other members. I fell a bit behind on this myself so time to make the rounds again, especially with all the new challengers out there. :)
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I’m a huge fan of trying to be a resource first. It doesn’t have to be to someone specifically but if I can offer something to a community before I start putting my want list out I always feel a little better. I know the objective in networking is to achieve goals and objectives but part of my routine is to see how many people I can bring up while still satisfying what my own affairs. I feel like you win more when more people win around you – if that makes sense lol.
I think you hit the nail on the head. You have to give to get, and usually give more than you get in order to be trusted. This is still good though because if you give more than you get, you still get. You can then attract more of these mutually beneficial relations as you’re giving a great deal.
Great point about attraction – it really is about the kind of resource you position yourself as early out so that people can really feel comfortable in mentioning you later.