It does not matter how much makeup one cakes on, how much money one spends on one’s wardrobe, how one does their hair, or how much Peaches and Cream scented moisturizing lotion one uses, nothing can ever cover up the stain of a publicly known mistake in a small town. I am a living testimony of such a lesson.
I was thirteen when my uncle was released from jail for statutory rape. He approached me while we were alone. He asked me for sex and I complied. He was jail hardened and weighed over two hundred pounds. Why say no when that answer will provoke a violent response ending in getting what he wanted regardless? The way I saw it, I could have my virginity given away gently or I could have it taken from me. After the fact I confided in Anna. She confided in her mother, her mother confided in my mother, and my mother confided in the police. My uncle was arrested and preparations for court began.
In a small town school, teacher –student confidentiality is something unseen and unknown. A meeting was held with all of my teachers explaining my situation. I cannot pinpoint one person, but I know that is how my classmates found out. Everyone treated me differently. Students openly bullied me in class and got away with it. For instance, Anna removed all of my papers from a folder and stepped on them. Many other things occurred before this incident so I went to the principal’s office to complain. When he asked Anna why she kept picking on me, she said “because she screwed her uncle and that is nasty!”
“It is nasty but this is against the rules so back off for me, okay?” I was flabbergasted. Yes, teachers were mean to me and referenced that I would never go anywhere in life because I was a whore. Yes, classmates would not talk to me because they said that I would screw their dads and take them to court for it. I should not have been surprised, but I could not believe that the principal was openly condoning students picking on me.
After that, it seemed that any method Anna could dream up to humiliate me she executed. Anna decided to write a two page petition about how terrible of a person I was. I should not be taking someone to court for something I wanted and if I would have been raped, I would have deserved it. She taped it up to the girl’s bathroom wall. Every girl signed it. At the end of the day, Anna and her group of friends approached me with the petition in an envelope.
It did not take long for me to start agreeing with everyone. I thought that I was a whore. I thought that I was stupid. I thought that there was something seriously wrong with me. I thought that I was ugly and that I would never deserve anything good in life. In order for me to find any worth in myself someone had to find worth in me. This is when I became a perfectionist. I joined school clubs and excelled at them. I was the best person that I could be. Many goals that I never aspired for before were attained. Still, everyone thought that I was unworthy of respect. Everyone except for Anna, that is.
Out of the blue, Anna apologized to me in front of everyone. Everyone stared at her in awe. It was a daring move; one that could ruin her reputation with the entire school. I was just as surprised. I asked her why she had a change of heart. “You may have done something nasty, but you are a good person and you do not deserve this.” I decided to accept her apology.
Anna believed in second chances. If she had not stepped in, I know I would have turned to drugs. I may still want to beat myself up when I make a mistake, but at least I have a future. The moral reasoning behind the decision I made does not matter. I will leave that up to you. What matters is that everyone thought that what I did was terrible and Anna decided to forgive me for that mistake and give me another chance as a friend.
Because Anna decided to give me a second chance, I am sure to give everyone second chances. I believe that the reward of someone overcoming a prior issue is much greater than the pain and disappointment of someone failing. That being said, if someone is not trying to overcome their problem after being told how to solve it, people should not be given many chances. You cannot force change on someone who does not want it. If everyone decided to at least give second chances, I believe that more people would be successful because most people just need to know that someone believes in them.
Thank you for your essay. It takes a tremendous amount of honor for YOU to actually forgive Anna for being completely not there for you, not understanding, not empathetic, and not being your friend. In fact, she turning the whole thing into a humiliation party against you is quite despicable. I hope she grows up to learn that what she did was wrong, and you have my full support for being in the right.
I’m glad you two made up Emma, and that you are putting this behind you so that you can move on and become a strong woman.
Thanks again. Fight on!
Sam
Wow Emma. What a moving essay. I am so sorry you had to go through all of those traumatic events. You write really well and from the heart. Its great you were able to overcome all of your obstacles and that you are doing better and making a better life for yourself. Best of luck.
Very moving essay. I think it’s important to remember that you forgave and Anna and she should NEVER have started all of that to start with. You were not forgiven for being a whore – you are not a whore – she just realized how wrong she was for being evil. In this entire situation, only you handled with integrity and strength. Good luck.
You are an incredibly brave person for sharing this story with us. Thank you. As a teacher, I’m flabbergasted by your teachers and principal’s reactions, they were wrong. They should never have shared any of the information they were given, and they obviously didn’t understand the severity of the situation. You were a child, your uncle was an adult who was sick and his actions were wrong. If anything, your teachers should have been there to help you. I’m so sorry you had to suffer through such humiliation. Best of luck to you on your future endeavors.
Thank you for the amazingly positive feedback everyone! I am both honored and surprised. Mostly because I am still stigmatized for this decision years after I made it.
It was hard for me to not blame myself. I understood my decision and the circumstances around it. Since no one else shared this understanding, I thought that I was sick and wrong. If the majority thinks something disgusting, than it must be. An obviously wrong philosophy, but an overwhelming thought and feeling.
It is refreshing to know that if I had been pretty much anywhere else that the actions that came from this would not have been as such. I am perfectly fine with being the minority and am glad that there are not many other people who have had to share in the sadness, loneliness, and shame that I felt and sometimes still feel.
Sam – Thank you for finding my actions honorable and thinking me strong because of it. Anna was all of thirteen years when she made this decision. It is easy to jump on the bandwagon, especially when adults condone it. I find it honorable of her to stand up to everyone after she felt that what was happening was wrong. I guess that is why I had forgiveness for her.
Charlie – Thank you for commenting that I write well. In life, I stutter an awful lot. To me, that is a huge compliment. All traumatic events make people who they are, even if it means that they become terrible people. Another reason to give second chances; you never know where someone has been.
Budgeting in the Fun Stuff- When I recall the events that took place, I almost always see that Anna forgave me. Thank you for reminding me that it is I that forgave her. Also, thank you for thinking that I handled the situation with integrity and strength. It means a lot when weighed against all of the negative things I have heard.
Little House – Thank you for allowing me to share the story with you and for reading it. I am happy to know that teachers elsewhere would not have done that. In my school I found that teachers acted like the high school students they were supposed to be teaching. Not all, but most. I feel that this happened because they were allowed to. Go small town politics! All in all, I think that what they did helped me become who I am, both good and bad. I may want to slap them for the bad, but one can only become strong after one has been beaten down.
Good luck to all of you in your endeavors and in voting. I have been reading all essays as they have been released and you all have your work cut out for you.
I can’t imagine going through that kind of situation. I would have left town if I was your parent and get a fresh start somewhere else. Stay strong!
Emma, the mere fact of writing and sharing a personal story like yours takes courage and strong character. I like the way you rebelled against collective opinion by deciding to become the best person you could be, and excelling in activities.
retireby40 – I asked. They gave me some answer that had the phrases “no” and “builds character” included. Maybe they were on to something and maybe they were right. No way to know unless I could somehow travel back in time and see who I would have been now had she taken that action.
101 Centavos- Thank you! I strongly considered writing about a different topic but decided that this needed to be scribbled down somewhere other than my mind and my heart. Being a good person in that school district was tough since the staff all thought of me so lowly.
Little House- I hope you remain a teacher through all of the events happening in our country as of late. Thank you for doing what you do. You are appreciated even if it does not show by paycheck, public support, parents, students or FOX News.
I can’t imagine what it must have taken for you to be able to share this with the world, as well as being able to forgive Anna. I hope you keep on pushing forward!