A lot of people would answer this question with the events surrounding September 11,2001 as a world event that had a profound impact on them, but I had problems during that time that I would not even wish on my worst enemy.  Let me start from the beginning.

When I was fifteen years old I met a nineteen year old at a club that we call go-go ‘s in my area. His name was Dee Waters, but everyone called him buddy.  We were just friends for the first four years of our relationship, but he always wanted to be more than friends but I did not. One night all that changed.  I was drunk one thing led to another. Two weeks later I was vomiting and decided to take a pregnancy test, and you guessed it I was pregnant.

Then I decided I had to be with Buddy, I was stuck.  We eventually got married and before I knew it, I  had three children, my babies Rachel, Shannon, and D Jr.  Do not misunderstand.  I was the happiest woman in the world at that time.  I was a house wife, because Buddy would not allow me to work. We had a nice house and three vehicles, but when my youngest child started school I decided that I wanted to work and have my own money, that is when the problems began. We began to have arguments which eventually led to actual fist fights, and I decided to leave him in October of 200 1.

I moved back in with my mother for eight teen months, and during those eight teen months I met another man by the name of TS, but they called him Michael which was his middle name. I met him in church and was surprised that he approached me because he was so nice looking and youthful. Even though we lived 30 miles apart from one another it did not affect our relationship that we had developed. I would drive to his house every weekend with the kids and stay the whole weekend eventually. Everything was perfect again in my eyes.

We eventually moved in together in an apartment five minutes away from my mother’s house, and then after a year moved into a house near where he was originally from.   By that time we had been married for a few months. That is when slowly everything began to fall apart again. I knew that he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder before we were married but I did not know much about the disease itself.  He had always taken his meds before but unknowingly to me he had stop taking them once we had moved back to his area. He started drinking heavy and smoking marijuana, and by this time I was pregnant with his child. Things just spiraled out of control by the time I gave birth to my forth child Timothy. When I gave birth to Timothy that was my forth C-section, so I had to sleep on the couch and avoid going up and down the stairs.

Early one morning around five a.m. I was awakened out of my sleep.  I do not know if it was an angel that awoke me or GOD himself, but something told me to go check on the children. As I crept up the stairs I felt it in my spirit that something was amiss, as I checked on my children I found my oldest daughter, who is also autistic missing and my bedroom door was shut. Needless to say I kicked in the door and was so shocked at what I was seeing I could not utter a single word. My husband was standing at the foot of the bed naked, and my daughter was laying on the bed, terrified.  I finally came to my senses and grabbed my daughter out the room. I woke up my other children and told them to come downstairs and then I called the police.

By the time that the police had arrived I had already called his family as well as mine and told them the situation.  I tried and did stay calm for the children’s sake but my heart was tom apart and I did not think it could not get any worse but it did.  After taking my daughter to the hospital and speaking with social services I called to tell Buddy, my first husband the bad news and of course he was irate. He wanted to talk to social services so I set up the meeting at my house. We all agreed that he would take the children for the weekend and bring them back Monday. I am still waiting for that Monday to come and that was five years ago.

You see Buddy received custody of my children because he had money and an attorney and I had nothing because I was a house wife for so many years. At first I could not even see the kids because Buddy’s attorney said the children were traumatized by being in that house so I had to move, which meant I had to find a job. Finally I found a job cleaning houses but it was not even enough money to pay my bills, so you know I could not afford an attorney. I never thought I would ever lose my children but it happened. I was a PTA member and always involved in their
schooling issues. I never went out to a club after having my children, I did not
drink or use any type of drugs at all, but I still lost my children.

The only thing that changed for the better in me is the fact that I have realized just how strong and independent I can be. What changed in me for the worse was my belief in the justice system, it should be renamed to “THE MONEY SYSTEM”.  I could not realize the better changes before the event happened because I always was dependent on other people. I truly cannot tell you why the event had to happen in order for me to see the world a little differently, but J can tell you one thing for sure, …I am still waiting for that Monday to come.