During high school, I didn’t want to play #1 singles partly because I feared getting pounded every match. All the #1 singles players were ridiculously talented and all went on to play for the best schools in the country. Instead, I played #2 or #3 singles and amassed a 11-1 record my senior year vs. likely a 3-8 record if I was in the top spot. The winning record was nice, but I felt a little guilty.
We strategically stacked the line-up so that it was better for the team – we had to win 5 matches out of 9 (a total of 6 singles and 3 doubles matches played). The line-ups always changed based on our opponents. It was also a toss-up between myself and a talented younger player. In the end, as Team Captain my Junior and Senior years, I decided it was better for the younger player and the future of the team to get him some experience against the best opponents. I also knew didn’t want to get embarrassed my senior year.
I turned down a couple division III school offers to play tennis and attended a division I school with better academics. I was not good enough to play for my college team, nor did I have the passion to play anymore. If I trained really hard my senior year and the summer before college, maybe I would have snuck on as a benchwarmer. There was no money involved as even a third of the starters had no scholarship help except for maybe free books. I was completely burnt out after high school, so I quit tennis to live every young man’s fantasy of having a great time in college.
THE REALIZATION
I don’t know when it happened, but at some point between junior and senior year of high school, I realized that I would never be good enough to play Division I tennis. There were guys much bigger and stronger who could rally all day long and never miss a shot. Perhaps my spirits faded when I lost in the second round of the All-District Tournament, I’m not sure.
I had to make a decision between playing tennis and lesser academics, or not playing tennis and greater academics. The answer was obvious to me. 99% of the best Division I college tennis players don’t go pro. And even if they did turn pro, if they don’t crack the top 100 in the world, they barely making $100,000 after expenses to survive. Only the Top 50 players in the world make a decent living. It’s an absolute grind.
I know one college tennis player who just made the Top 100 and retired at 27. Despite winning the NCAA championships his senior year at Stanford in 2000, going pro was unbearable since he was constantly getting beat in the first round of the qualifiers after flying 10 hours and spending thousands of dollars to get there e.g. the French Open in Paris. He even beat Kafelnikov and Todd Martin in their primes and my friend still couldn’t make it!
IS IT SAD? OR IS IT JUST THE WAY IT IS?
We all have big dreams growing up. Some want to be astronauts, while others want to be ballerinas. I wanted to be a professional tennis player or a “wealthy businessman” since I hated the idea of having to work at McDonald’s my entire life. We recognize at some point that our dreams will never be achieved because it takes a ton of work, skill, and luck to get there. Have you seen the credentials of those who get sent to the moon? Do you know how hard it is to get into Juilliard School in New York?
Even if you have the most amazing credentials, you likely still won’t be chosen to fly to the moon or be a successful professional dancer on the biggest stage!. The odds are always stacked against us at the highest levels.
We either have to pull the plug on our dreams early, or quit after all the effort in the world. If we do the latter, at least we can say we gave it our best and will never wonder what could have been. Sometimes I wonder if I had put in two more hours of practice everyday in high school, if I could have played Division I tennis and ultimately gone pro. I also wonder what would become of me if I spent all that time to never make it and just teach tennis for a living after graduation.
I know with 1000% certainty I will never be able to compete professionally anymore as an old man now. However, I do still have my mind and plan to dream big and execute my goals with purpose! The goal of being a “wealthy businessman” is still a possibility. I might as well go after it until my mind goes blank.
Readers, when did you realize that your dreams would never come true? How did you deal with the realization, and what did you do to change?
If you are living your childhood dreams, how does it feel?
Anybody else play competitive sports growing up or now, that knows the agony of defeat, and pure bliss of winning as a team?
Further Reading:
Finding The Motivation To Kick Your Opponent’s Ass! Our misfit, underdog team won the San Francisco City Championships recently. It was one of the best feelings ever! Rejection makes victory all the sweeter.
RECOMMENDATION FOR BUILDING WEALTH
Manage Your Finances In One Place: The best way to become financially independent and protect yourself is to get a handle on your finances by signing up with Personal Capital. They are a free online platform which aggregates all your financial accounts in one place so you can see where you can optimize. Before Personal Capital, I had to log into eight different systems to track 25+ difference accounts (brokerage, multiple banks, 401K, etc) to manage my finances. Now, I can just log into Personal Capital to see how my stock accounts are doing and how my net worth is progressing. I can also see how much I’m spending every month.
The best tool is their Portfolio Fee Analyzer which runs your investment portfolio through its software to see what you are paying. I found out I was paying $1,700 a year in portfolio fees I had no idea I was paying! There is no better financial tool online that has helped me more to achieve financial freedom.
It’s 2015 and the bull market continues. Make a decision to be wealthy by taking control of your finances!
I never really had a realization like that I think. I never went for anything in highschool and in fact, I am a hs dropout. I think I always had in my head that I wasn’t going to be the best at anything. Probably explains why I didn’t try very hard at anything (except ditching class. I was good at that). But now, so many years later (plus one GED!), I realize that I don’t have to be the best at anything, that’s okay. I can work hard at my job and get really good at it, and that’s just fine. I’d rather not put in extra hours in the welding shop to become the best, because I think it’s more important to go home to my family and spend time with them at night.
Ditching class and not getting caught is a good skill! I was OK at it with the sick from parents notes, going to the bathroom and escaping school grounds for 30 min at a time and stuff.
Glad you have your family and have balance in your life!
They did come true.
Nice!
I’m living my child hood dream of working in a business environment. Business is something I excelled in throughout high school, and did well in college, found a job out of school which I’ve been at ever since.
Funny you mention high school sports, I though about this a few nights ago when I couldn’t fall asleep. I’ll never forget getting cut from high school swim and volleyball teams. I tried out as a junior and senior, 3 years in a row, would make it to the last cut, but never made the team. Eventually my last year of high school I didn’t bother, instead I stuck to sports I was good at already – baseball, basketball and soccer.
At least you tried out Eddie! So many don’t . Which reminds me, I didn’t try out for my HS basketball team, even though I looooooved the sport, because I was too chicken shit to get cut! I didn’t want to be embarrassed b/c I was the team captain of the tennis team.
Aren’t you already a wealthy businessman? All a matter of perspective I guess. After I realized I sucked at sports and wouldn’t even be able to be a pro bowler I turned to my other goal of owning a business and becoming wealthy. I have a long way to go but I have started my first real business, my blog, this year!
No way. I’m a poor man now, trying to make ends meet given I’ve reset to zero!
I wanted to be a nurse until I figured out I would have to be able to give people shots and not get squemish as the sight of blood. I also dreamed about being a Broadway star for a long time until I actually auditioned in NYC and realized how ridiculously hard and competitive it is. That’s when I realized I would quickly end up homeless and needed a strong backup plan or an entirely different plan B if I wanted to be independent without having to worry about if I could pay rent. I’m not sad about it now because I found other things I enjoy more and it’s ok for dreams to change!
Haha, I didn’t know that Syd about being a nurse! Broadway I did now. Gosh, how brutally difficult it is to make it on BW.
I think that’s what makes us appreciate the sports we play or the shows we watch now. We know how hard it is to make it to the top.
I realized that my dreams of playing in the Majors weren’t going to come true when my college coach asked me to cheat. It was then that I realized I wasn’t going to ethically compromise myself to get ahead. I still won’t. My second dream died when I realized that I was tired of trying to sell my voice/personality/soul to entertain others. Now, I’m happier than ever, living out new dreams. Someday, I hope to realize the dream of not having to be physically present at my job in order to make money. That seems to be the most attainable dream I’ve ever had:)
Hmm, interesting. When you say cheat, do you mean inject with steroids? Was your 2nd dream to be an actor?
Passive income is a great dream, that is a reality for all!
No roids. Just breaking other rules. And yes…acting was dream #2:) Now, it is passive income all the way!
Hmmm, intriguing! Donno how many rules to break unless you count “Sweep the leg Johnny!!” as one of them!
Passive income really is great. Once you’ve got the safety net, you can do whatever the hell you want!
Put him in a body bag!!!! – Just watched that movie last weekend:)
When I was a child, I dreamed of becoming a doctor; however, I have to accept the fact that my family does not have the money to pay for my tuition fee and medical school. Even if I can apply for scholarships and subsidies, I know it will not be enough to get me through med school, so I just gave it up.
That is a damn shame Cherleen. It’s not right that just b/c you can’t afford to go to med school, you shouldn’t be a doctor, especially if you had the grades and work ethic to become so. What is your occupation or desire now?
I ended up taking an engineering course. I worked as Technical Support for a software development company. Now, I am a freelance writer and blogger, just like almost everybody here.
My childhood dreams were never that focused! I don’t think I started focusing on goals/dreams until I was in my 20s. Everything changed when I started focusing and see how far I could go. Success encourages more success!
Really? Never had childhood dreams? What were your dreams in your 20s then?
I didn’t say I didn’t have childhood dreams, but they were very generalized. I knew I wanted to do something in business, but I did not know what until college. The irony is I kept searching in my twenties and to some extent I am still searching. It is a little like lifelong learning. You keep learning until you die! I keep searching because I want to keeep doing something.
Sam, Interesting take. As we age, it is more apparent that some dreams weren’t meant to be. I’m a big “glass half full” type and tend to focus on all of the wonderful parts of my life, especially the intangibles like health and family!!! I try not to dwell on the coulda woulda shouldas.
Good job Barb. I enjoy daydreaming.
A dream I had was to become a doctor (so cliche now). Anyway, I ended up volunteering at a hospital, and quickly learned I didn’t want to become a doctor – in fact, I hated most of the doctors I met, and I hated the system they were in. I’m glad I learned that lesson early.
What a long journey it is to be a doctor… my friend is now only going to start practicing at the age of 35 after two fellowships. He is going to be rich, and hopefully feel fulfilled, but wow.. what sacrifice from age 18-35! He deserves everything.
Glad you learned before going to med school too!
I too had a dream to play pro sports – baseball in my case. Playing for a state championship team and throwing a couple of no-hitters in high school, I thought I was on my way. I few mechanics-changing injuries later and I now play in a men’s league for fun. I agree though Sam, not playing sports in college gave me the opportunity to enjoy it at its fullest.
Man, I always wanted to play baseball in the US, but it coincided directly with Tennis season so I had to choose! Nice work throwing a couple no-hitters! I enjoyed playing 3rd base and feeling the excitement and FEAR of having the rocket hurl at me.
Such an awesome feeling to short hop a rip and throw the runner out at 1st!
At one time, I thought that I was going to be the next Olympic champion swimmer. I seriously did. I was pretty good too, finishing in the top ten in my state as a Sophmore in high school. But then I started getting interested in girls and parties, and swimming started getting less and less appealing. The final nail came when an old friend who went to my high school and was swimming in college came back to talk to us. He told us that swimming in college was great, but hard. He woke up each morning at 4:30a to swim 2 hours, and then swam again in the evenings most days. That sounded absolutely horrible, and I quit outright a few months later.
I understand why I did it at the time, but I always wonder how far I could have gotten if I had stayed with it.
Jefferson, I understand what you are saying 100%! Freshman and sophomore year, it was girls, girls, and parties! When there is a girl you want to be with, practically nothing can get in your way at that age. I even wrote a story about it, “Why Single Men Love Growing Old.”
We will always wonder if we just had the blindfolds on and just worked on our respective sports. But, then we will always wonder if we would have had a more fun, different childhood if we did everything else.
[…] When Did You Realize Your Childhood Dreams Wouldn’t Come True? […]
Childhood dreams for me were really kind of false dreams. I thought I wanted to be a scientist, but later in life realized that I only wanted that because it was an admired profession at the time (during the race to the moon). It wasn’t really my dream.
I played tennis in high school too (badly). It was fun.
My entire life I wanted to be a veterinarian. The medical field has always fascinated me and I have this innate ability to make any animal like me so it seemed like the dream job. So, I enrolled in college with a pre vet concentration, maintained the 4.00 GPA required to get to vet school but half way through junior year I decided I didn’t want to be in school for 5 more years. I stayed in the Animal Science field cause I do love animals and wanted to work with them just not as a veterinarian. Instead I started my own pet sitting business that is even better then I ever imagined being a veterinarian would be.
My dream was to be a teacher. I love teaching, but I’m horrible at classroom discipline. That’s probably the 2nd most important part of the job. I was already 80% through my B.S. when I figured it out. Been kind of wandering ever since.
I don’t think I’ve ever pulled the plug on my dreams. As I’ve grown, I’ve adjusted the goals to meet my current vision. If I pull the plug, I’m in big, big trouble.
My big goal was to be the milk man. I gave that up when I found out that he was in a truck all day and drinking chocolate milk wasn’t necessary the full-time hobby I’d imagined it to be when I was 7.
[…] you have to make sacrifices sometimes. I don’t think I would go so far to say that I have given up on my dreams or aspiration from college (completely), but I have changed them.As with my situation, college […]
My childhood dreams didn’t come true. But, I’m glad they didn’t! It was way too much stress to live those dreams – I’ve found a new set of dreams that I love and I’m currently living! Dreams can change. Dream on!
I did attain several of my dreams. Now the next set of dreams is up to bat.
all the males are full of it who have posted here, real childhood dreams are like being able to fly like superman or being able to morph into any animal you wanted etc … so the folks who talk about business and being a doctor etc, well I just don’t believe you.
I have up my lifelong dream the day before yesterday. My dream began when I was eight. I had been in plays and musicals since before preschool, and I loved performing, so I knew that when I grew up I would be a lead singer in a band. When I was in middle school I took my dream more seriously, studying various instruments, practicing singing for hours a day, and watching my favorite bands videos on the Internet to get an idea of what it would be like. I couldn’t stop daydreaming, and soon I had a vision going. By the time I was seventeen, I was auditioning musicians, and for the past five years, I’ve been in and of of bands, writing and practicing, but never performing. None of my bands even got around to naming ourselves. Things would always call apart quickly. It always broke my heart because it is very hard to find a good musician in my genre in this city. So here I am, 22, and already giving up on a lifelong project. No one wants to work with me anymore (I’ve been kicked out of bands for being, no joke, “too driven”, and I e also been rejected for being female. Apparently women don’t get to be metal in this city.) I don’t have the money to move either, so I had to make a tough call. I cut my losses and will be going on to find occupational satisfaction elsewhere, though I doubt I will ever find as much joy in anything as singing. If you want to know what it is like to lose a lifelong dream, it is like a lobotomy for your soul. It’s like someone scooped out a huge part of who you were and left just enough for you to function. Thank you for your time. I am off to continue studying. I am earning a degree this semester, so wish me luck in the sciences.
I think you’re setting yourself for future great depression and reject.
“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.” ~ Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture
Only quit if there’s something else you want to do. Don’t quit just because you see a brick wall, or a lot of them, in front of you. They’re suppose to be there. It’s super easy to give up on yourself, easier than really taking a risk and giving it everything you’ve got. Giving up, you never change. Going for it will transform you, make you grow. Everyone is afraid of failure, but put love ahead of fear, and really believe in what you want.
hey Victoria my name is Cristina i am 18 my biggest dream is also to be a singer in a band i want this so bad since i was 6 years old but i am struggling because i cant find a band also email me at 18cristinacreador@gmail.com thank you :-)
im 15 im a freshman and im trying to become an NBA basketball player i really want to become a basketball player but i dont think it will come true :'( my whole family is counting on me to make it but i dont think it will happen i practice a lot on fridays when i come back from school i practice til 10 and on the summer i spend my whole day practicing i tried out for the basketball team but i was one of the people that got first cut and i was crying so much i cry any time i think about me not making it ill be sad my whole life if i dont make it and if i dont that means i wasted all my time on basketball for no reason ive probaly spent hundreds of hours playing sometimes i think about giving up
Unknown 15 year old freshman:
Henry David Thoreau has been quoted as saying something like “You can only hit at what you aim for … aim high!”.
I realized my dreams werent coming true when i was in the 8th grade. I wanted to play in the wnba, but being 240 lbs didnt help. I thought it was over for me, but im down 220. Im going to try out next year for the school team. I know im probably not going to make to the wnba,but i can still try!!!
Hi
This post was particularly relevant to me – I have been realizing that the dreams I have\had are never going to come to pass and really I am not sure how to handle it.
When I was young (6-15), all I wanted to be was a dancer, model or someone in the fashion industry (Maybe a designer, or working in a magazine), now thinking about it – I don’t even know where that came from, I certainly wasn’t exposed to it. From an early age, it was clear that I was gay, however I grew up in a rural area, where that sort of activity was frowned upon in a fairly serious way. My family have money, own large farms and properties, and are extremely religious, not evangelic Christians, but they are catholic. So I was encouraged to go and become a lawyer, or something serious, if I didn’t want to come back and be a grazier. I suppose I wanted a different life, When I wanted fashion magazines and other cultural outings, I got sports mags and rodeos, to encourage me into the right fields.
At 13 I decided to tell them that I was gay – what proceeded after that was one of the hardest times of my life; so I ate, I ate so much. I studied in school, worked hard (as academics was the only thing I was interested in) – I went to uni, achieved a degree, all the while eating. In the end I reached 239 KG (526 pounds) – I was morbidly obese – I hated myself and everything in my life, Really I don’t suppose that never stopped.
One of my girlfriends, ended up convincing me to sleep with her about 5 years ago now (When I was 25), one thing led to another and we eventually got married. I don’t know why I did it now because in all honesty at the time, I thought I was doing it for all the right reasons, cause I do love her, however I don’t lust after her though. But I didn’t realize this until recently.
She is an amazing woman and deserves to be loved by an amazing man. We are in a poly amorous relationship, so she is allowed other boyfriends and so am I. But really I am hoping that she meets someone that wants all of her, and she wants all of him. Which is why we never got legally married, I refused to, cause I knew in my head, that I wanted her to be free (And I suppose my self).
As I said When I went to uni, I wanted a boyfriend\lover\partner so bad, I soon realized that I was much too heavy for men to like me, so I started losing weight. I am now 83 KG (182 pounds). I still look fat though, even though I am now in the normal weight range. I think its because I don’t have any real muscle and I need to develop them – so I am working on that at the moment. I have however realized though that men still don’t like me. I have tried, believe you me. I have waited for them to come to me, I have gone after them, I have tried my best to not be pushy, manipulative or anything like that – I am and try to be a nice person. And I am not saying that I want a supermodel either. I have a couple of requirements which are, they look after themselves, have some muscle (Not huge, just some muscle), are clean, nice person and are with in my age group. I don’t think that’s a huge list, maybe it is.
I asked 5 guys if I could buy them a drink the other night, was rejected (and not kindly) but all of them. I have never been chatted up, ever! And I don’t think that its going to be happening anytime soon, cause even now getting down to the weight I want, doesn’t matter, as my skin now looks like the skin of an avocado, all wrinkled due to the excessive skin I have.
One of the other dreams I had\have, was to own a shop, which I do. I can’t say that business is good, and really its probably been a failure, but its been fun. The job that I trained for no longer exists, and the possibilities of further education at uni, is non -existent as I can’t afford to go, and really don’t have the inclination.
I never got into the fashion industry, I have a business that isn’t working, I will never have a man (I have missed the boat on that one), I’m never going to look the way I want to look or have the life that I truly want. I have trapped all these people up in my life, and I don’t know what to do, besides disappear or kill myself, which I know are also not really options.
So what now?
Thank you for sharing your story!
I think it’s incredible that you were able to get back in shape. So congrats! One of the most important things from your note is your demonstration of EFFORT. You are putting yourself out there, and although the rejection hurts, don’t stop trying. Love is a tricky thing, and once you find that companion, I guarantee you will change your outlook.
I’ve got a post on FinancialSamurai.com entitled, “Is There Someone For Everyone?” Coming out today, 7/16/13. I think you’ll enjoy the read. Don’t give up. Love will find you when you least expect.
My dreams of being a professional tennis player didn’t come true. But I still play for fun and am discovering new dreams to fulfill. Embrace the journey and good luck! Let me know of you need any help.
my heart is broken where i live theres nothin to do i wanted to go to montreal were is close where live is the voice kids but everything i do it wnt work im tired maybe i should drop and those faking ass people saying ohhh your dreams comes tru. lala shut up like some dreams dont work im tierd imma just live like that
It took me until I was 30 to accept that MOST people aren’t going to be in something like Monty Python or Saturday Night Live.