By, Barbara Friedberg editor-in-chief of BarbaraFriedbergPersonalFinance.com where she educates, inspires, & motivates for wealth in money and life. Learn personal finance from a real life portfolio manager.
I had the opportunity to chat with Bethany and Scot Palmer, authors of First Comes Love Then Comes Money; A Couple’s Guide to Financial Communication, for some “pre-interview” background information. As I’m interested in others (and just plain nosey), I wanted to uncover some dirt which wasn’t in their book.
Here’s what I found out from the Palmer’s.
On regular occasions, after meeting with couples, drawing up financial plans, and believing they were all set, many couples returned a few years later, with problems. Many of these returning clients WERE GETTING DIVORCED. This troubled and perplexed the Palmer’s. They realized that their practice was a microcosm of this trend reported in the Washington Post; 70% of couples who divorce, cite money problems as the cause.
First Comes Love Then Comes Money; A Couple’s Guide to Financial Communication was born. The Palmer’s successfully spelled out a plan to combat couples financial trials. Read about their book in my review. As a companion to the book review, I agreed to interview the authors, with a twist.
There is a lot of interest in “book publishing” on the Yakezie forum, and so I’m taking this opportunity to ask the Palmer’s a bit about their experience with the process of writing a book after the “typical” author questions.
1. What to do if you and your partner are financially incompatible. Is there any hope?
We fight about money because we don’t see money through the same lenses as our partner. We all have 2 of the 5 money personalities. A primary and a secondary Money Personality. We find that 65% of the couples we interview are married to their opposite Primary Money Personality. A Saver is married to a Spender, a Security Seeker is married to a Risk Taker or a Flyer is married to a Security Seeker.
No wonder we don’t want to talk to our spouse about money – we approach every decision differently. He thinks we should go out to dinner tonight, she doesn’t. He thinks that the big screen TV won’t bust the budget, she does. No one likes to fight and money fights can be the most damaging to the relationship.
2. What is the absolute worst couple money crime you have encountered?
We had an engaged couple come into our office and he revealed a $35,000.00 credit card balance he hadn’t told his future spouse about – disaster!
3. Obviously, communication is great, what if one partner will not communicate about money. What’s the solution?
First, define each others’ Money Personalities. Next, OPEN the conversation with a question such as; “I found out what my Money Personality was today, I am a Saver and a Security Seeker, do you agree?” The key here is to start with yourself. Naturally, your partner will reveal theirs.
4. According to The Money Couple, their secondary money personalities collide. Scott is a security seeker and Bethany is a risk taker. How have you gotten out of the inevitable conflicts or secrets?
We are both primarily spenders so we often get along just fine. When it comes to investment opportunities Bethany is ready to dive in, Scott…not so much. We have learned to approach these subjects carefully and take each others money personalities into consideration.
5. What are your top three recommendations for a prospective author to consider when writing a book?
Have a clearly defined message, understand your platform, and solicit help through an agent
6. What are your thoughts about publishing with a traditional publisher versus self publishing? Pros and cons.
We have never self published.
7. Any tricks to getting an agent?
Have a clearly defined message and understand your platform. In real estate it’s location, location, location. In book publishing it’s platform, platform, platform.
8. You have two books, Cents and Sensibility and First Comes Love, Then Comes Money, both about couples and money. What steps did you take to get the first book published?
Wrote a 2 page proposal and submitted it to several publishers. One of the publishers picked it up and the rest is history.
9. Many of our Yakezie members are single. Why should they take a look at First Comes Love, Then Comes Money?
It is imperative to understand what your Money Personality no matter what your marital status. The tools outlined in First Comes Love, Then Comes Money are helpful all who look towards future relationships.
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CONTEST WILL END ON MAY 31, 2011.
What are your biggest “couple money” or “friend” money struggles?
This was a very fascinating interview. I hadn’t heard of these authors so it was good to get to know about them and learn about the money personalities. Of course, now I am curious to learn more. I thought it interesting that the proposal was picked up prior to writing a book. Saved a lot of time I would imagine.
Sounds like a great book! I’m already subscribed to the Yakezie, and I follow Barbara on Twitter. Hope I win! I need a new read. :)
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Communication is pretty darn important, and not hiding any skeletons. I’d like to read this book.
I’m also amazed that all they had to do was write a two page proposal and they got a deal! Sounds pretty easy to me since bloggers write two page posts multiple times a week!
On both RSSes and tweeted :)
Thnx, Sam
I never thought about money personalities before, however I can see how there can be conflicts.
Interesting insight into book publishing! The publishers want a built in audience before they will take a chance on an author. A platform and an interesting idea is all it takes. Hmmm! Writing 2-300 pages is not that easy!
This is a very interesting approach to working with a spouse on money issues. I’ve recently come to the conclusion that I’m a risk-taking saver who married a risk-taking spender. It’s great we both like to take risks, but I’m always conflicted when it comes to spending money! Thanks for sharing this interview, Barb.
Interesting to see their thoughts. Couples and money really require a strong partnership. I am a follower of you and subscribe to Yakezie RSS.
The authors make a great point! Understanding your ‘spending’ personality is the key to a harmonious relationship.
Thanks for a great interview Barb!
Thanks to all for checking out the interview. I highly recommend the book. They offer concrete steps understand yourself and circumvent money problems with your partner. I also really appreciated the book publishing tips! Good luck to all in the contest, the book is a good read.
Hey Barb,
Great interview. I’m always curious about how people get their books published. My wife and I are very compatible financially, but I think I’m more of a risk-taker. Although, compared to many, we’re still pretty conservative, lol.
Also, I am subscribed to the Yakezie Feed, Your Feed, I’ve been following you on Twitter, and I RT’d the post :). Thanks for the opportunity and the great post!
Thanks,
Timothy
Hi Timothy, It’s interesting to think about isn’t it? It’s also nice to have an outside source “confirm” one’s relationship compatibility.
Even though I’m single, this actually sounds like a really good read for me. I think it’s something that people need to think about even before they decide to get married so they can understand themselves first. Great interview Barbara!
Hi LaTisha, Yes, it really is a good book for self reflection with or without a partner. Make sure to register to win!
That undisclosed $35,000 credit card debt is sadly not uncommon. Two of my friends confided in me. For one friend, she discovered in her first marriage how her husband hid over 10,000 in credit card debt.
For the second friend, her husband had credit card debt. He took out a student loan to pay off the credit card debt when he was in graduate school. They were thinking of getting married and decided that they should meet with a financial planner who discussed how to manage money with both of them.
They got married around two years after that meeting and another two years later she found out that her husband ran up thousands of dollars on his credit card again!
@Super-This book is definitely for them! Although those couples you mentioned probably need more help than a book :) can offer.
Great points and interview Barb! Looks like a good read and nice questions on publishing as well. I already subscribe to both feeds. I already follow you and tweeted this post. Thanks!
Open communication is a huge part of having a successful long term relationship/marriage. I can’t believe that guy hid 35,000 in credit card debt from his wife – ouch that must have been an ugly conversation when the truth came out. Couples really need to work together as a team to make it long term.
@Buck, The book offers an interesting perspective.
@Untemplater-AGREED-I don’t think I could have tolerated uncovering 35k in debt from my spouse. If couples aren’t on the same page about a lot of issues, theres a chance of big problems.
When I think about the gentleman who had $35,000 in credit card debt that he hid from his fiancee. I also wonder what else is he hiding if he had no qualms about hiding that much debt?
Great interview, Barb! The couples’ books are so interesting. Not only married couples could relate to this, but everyone who are in a relationship. Money matters should really be discussed (and controlled) in every relationship.
Hi Nunzio, It struck me when the authors said single folks should also be aware of their own “money personalities.” Lots of good insights and tactics here.