One of the most difficult yet rewarding times in my life occurred when I went to work four months after my first child was born in January 2006. I had accepted a job as an accountant and was trying to finish the last part of my MBA. Thus, in March 2006, in the midst of tax season, I managed to complete my MBA program.
The summer of 2006 was equally eventful. My husband and I decided to move to Tennessee and I discovered that I was pregnant with our second child. I discovered the pregnancy after I had accepted a new job offer. This time, instead of completing an MBA during tax season, I was going to give birth.
Yet, on the day of our second son’s birth, our lives were changed forever. He lacked oxygen at birth and sustained significant brain damage. The manifestation of this brain damage is severe cerebral palsy.
Not only were we going to raise a severely disabled child (he does not walk, talk, or eat by mouth), but also the financial landscape of our life had changed. We were no longer going to be a two-income family, but a one-income family. Our son’s frequent doctor appointments and hospital stays made it impossible for both of us to hold full-time employment. No employer would allow the time off necessary to attend to my son’s medical needs. Aside from that, child care options for a medically needy child are more than extremely limited.
However, there was more at stake than my husband’s job. Financially, it made a tremendous difference in which state we resided. Each state offers different support for the disabled, from in-home aids, to paying co-payments on medicine, to the proximity to the closest children’s hospital. Thus, when my husband received an offer in Wisconsin (one of the most generous states for disabled children), he took the job.
Having my son changed my perspective on finances. Somehow all the principles, rules, and planning were gone. They just did not apply to my life anymore. When folks preached about the “glorious” emergency fund, I was focusing on obtaining significant amounts of life insurance on account of the unique needs of my family. When people obsess about landing the perfect job–we became obsessed about living in specific states, not focusing as much on my husband’s actual job.
I came to realize that many folks do not fit the traditional financial mold. They have experienced significant hardships like job loss, home foreclosure, and medical issues. They are not going to “regain” their former lives. However, like me, they can go forward in a new way. Perhaps they will not make incremental financial progress, but some progress, albeit slow.
I learned as I made the career switch to stay-at-home-mom that I really did make the proverbial 80% of the purchasing decisions. I realized that my forethought and planning regarding purchases made a huge impact on our family’s financial position. I learned something more. I realized that few women did the leg-work that I did to create a spending and budgeting system. When I began to share what I learned through my blog, it was rewarding to see how it could positively impact lives.
In this process of sharing my knowledge through blogging, my MBA took on a new meaning. I could capture my knowledge, my life experiences, my conviction that frugality can be elegant, and express it all at Super Frugalette. I look at my blog as a “job” whereby I strive to help everyone’s personal bottom line.
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Thank you for sharing! Your story is quite inpirational and I’m quite glad that you opened up to all of us in this post.
Thanks for sharing your story. Many would have not been as strong and moved forward with the determination and willpower that you’ve shown.
I knew I really liked you and your style, now I know why!!! Wonderful integration of business, style and smart living. Great article.
Thanks for sharing! I wonder how many parents even would have figured out that different states have better benefits? Or would have been willing to move for those benefits?
Thank you for sharing your story, and for sharing your tips on your blog!
Parents are willing to move if they realize that their child is going to have long term medical issues. When we were in Connecticut, our therapists encouraged us to move to New York since New York has better benefits than Connecticut. However, anything close to the NYC area is very expensive. We found a better bang for our buck in Wisconsin. Also there are online support groups for parents who have severely disabled children. In these forums you can uncover which states offer the most help. Like everything else in life, if you do your homework, you will make good choices.
SF- As a new father, my heart truly goes out to you. I honestly have no idea how I would handle being put in your situation. Focusing on doing whatever it takes for your family is very admirable and I’m sure it was a difficult decision to give up your job. I’m glad your still able to “work” through your blog as I’m sure it is a much needed outlet.
Your story has touched my heart. My great aunt and uncle had a child with cerebral palsy. They devoted their lives to her care, just as you are doing for your son. I wish you all the best. it sounds like you have made all the best decisions for your situation!
I never realized how many people do have cerebral palsy. I just learned that an old high school classmate of mine has a son with cp as well.
Wow, thanks so much for sharing. I enjoyed your openness and your approach to blogging.
Thanks for sharing your story. I know how hard it is for parents to get help with their children that require special attention. I’ve worked with children with autism, down syndrome and various physical and mental disabilities. I only get to see a part but for the parents I know it’s a full time job. Welcome to Yakezie and I sincerely wish you the best for your family.
I receive 40 hours a week of help for my son which makes a huge difference.
Thanks for sharing SF. You’ve been through a lot and your experiences will definitely inspire others. Glad you’re using your blog to encourage others – keep it up!
You mean the world to your children. This is one of the defining experiences of your life, and your entire family. As a father of 3 amazing children, I would do anyhting to care for, protect, and develop them. Thank you for sharing your very personal and inspiring story.
Thank you for sharing your story. Great member post!
I have to say, as a parent myself, I can appreciate the focus that children require. In your case, there’s even more need. The priorities in life are vastly different with children than when married and childless (or not married), which is something that almost has to be experienced to be truly understood.
Anyway, I didn’t know that there were differences by state in terms of support for disabled children. That’s great for you that you got to go to a state that’s generous. Also, totally agree that many folks do not fit the traditional finance mold. Traditional advice isn’t always universally applicable, and we have to focus on what fits our own situation as we best know how. Anyway, thanks again for sharing.
Your story is amazing; thank you so much for sharing! Your blog is a fantastic resource and you should be commended for the impressive, inspiring work you’re doing–both in the blogging world and at home. Best of luck to you!
See, this is what blogging is all about in my opinion. The best blogs come out of passion for helping people less fortunate than ourselves. Your story is one that should be shared and will help countless families. Keep up the good work Super Frugalette!
Ironically a friend asked me why I did not create a blog about my son. I explained that even though his needs can be time consuming, he does not consume all of my life, I was a unique and independent person before I had him. I have my “own” life and interests too. My approach to frugality, personal finance, and my quest for elegance have always been a part of my life. I have had to modify these things a bit…but never abandoning them.
Thanks for sharing SF. Welcome to the network!
Your story is quite inspirational! I have enjoyed your blog since I first visited, and have even stolen an idea or two off of you! Keep it up.
I like your giveaway prizes and your giveaway format…;)
Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve been reading your posts for awhile, but this is a special gift of a post since it gives us insight into the wonderful work you do and the person you are.
Truly, frugality isn’t just about an oversimplistic method of saving money or stretching the dollar…our reasons for getting in touch with our money and making our dollar stretch for our family is highly personal and often runs deep. Thanks for sharing. :)
Glad to see you in the Yakezie forum!
Thanks for sharing! That’s the great thing about personal finance blogs – everyone has a different view point. I love your logo too, it’s one of the best.
Welcome Super Frugalette!
Thank you for sharing your story. I think a blog post about the states that give the best/most medical assistance to disabled people with a bent on finances would be great–I have never seen one nor known anything about it.
I also love your icon:). Can’t wait to meet you at FINCON! Best of luck.
It would be very difficult and time consuming to go through all of the states. Moreover, a state may “offer” many services but actual providers that will provide the services is a different story.
We were looking into moving to PA. In the location we were checking out, there was only one pediatrician who took Medicaid. (FYI-Medicaid becomes either co-insurance or primary insurance for all disabled kids.) Thus, if I did not like the pediatrician, I was stuck.
Yes thanks for sharing your story. I always love reading these posts. I learn so much from everyone. I like how you use your own experiences to shape your blog. You are right- not everyone fits into the same mold so being open to adjustments is key to financial success. Best of luck with everything.
The older I get the more I find that many people do not fit into the traditional financial molds. I think about the woman about to graduate law school who found out she was pregnant with triplets! She is not going to hold a job for at least a couple of years.
I think about couples who discover that they are infertile after spending tens of thousands of dollars on infertility treatments only to spend another 30K on the adoption of a child. I know of one couple who downsized their house so they could afford such treatments.
The husband of my hair stylist is currently unemployed but not really looking for work. His dad has ALS and so he spends his days caring for his father so that his mother can work.
There are those who lose their home to a natural disaster…only to find out that they were not adequately insured and will not receive enough money to rebuild it.
I must make mention of my husband’s current job. He does not really care for the line of work, but he is in a really thriving field. I get a call from a recruiter at least once a week wondering if my husband is still with his current employer because there other opportunities for him. He did have the opportunity to leave about a year ago (he received another job offer) but he chose to stay because all of us were really doing well in Wisconsin. We never anticipated that we would really enjoy living in Wisconsin.
SF, thank you for sharing us your strength. Your son and your family are lucky to have you. Being a full time mom alone is a full-time job, and the constant care you provide is times two.
I really look forward to reading more of your posts and following your journey!
Welcome to the Yakezie Network!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. What an inspiration you are. Your grace, intelligence, and positive attitude and amazing. I will read your blog with renewed respect.
Thanks for sharing your story. My brother was also born with cerebral palsy, and he too could not walk or talk and also had a feeding tube. I can relate to everything you are talking about. We lived in Michigan, which was fairly generous with the benefits when my brother was young, but that has since changed. Carrying for your son is a full-time job, one I am sure you are glad to do. What a wonderful thing that you can put your MBA to work to advance your family financially.
Thanks for sharing your story. I someimes see children in school who have physical or mental difficulties and never think what the parents must go through just to get them to school. Your story puts that in perspective how there is much more to consider such as where you live and benefits. Many things we all take for granted.
Congrats on becoming a member and for sharing your story. I didn’t realize there was such a difference among the states for families with special needs children. I’m glad you were able to move to a new location with good benefits.
I really like the design and niche of your site, and I always smile when I see your logo. :) Have you picked up a Wisconsin accent yet?
Wow. Thank you so much fro sharing your story. It is true that services are so different depending on where you live. I am so glad your husband got a job in the perfect state for you, what a blessing.
Your blog looks great. I look forward to learning more from and about you and your family.
SF that was a touchy member post. Congrats on becoming Yakezie member! We all write to general audience advicing them on how to improve finances. We do not write anything for more than 20% of population who live in unusual and non-normal situation like yours. I am sure my finances and pride of being never in debt will go haywire if I have to face a situation like yours. In spite of all adversity at home, you managed to go forward with your blog is an amazing achievement. We at Yakezie are with you.
“However, like me, they can go forward in a new way. Perhaps they will not make incremental financial progress, but some progress, albeit slow.” Well written and so true. Thanks for the motivating post!
Thanks for sharing such a personal story. And a big official welcome from Sheboygan, WI!
Thank you so much for sharing this part of your life with us! What I have learned is that we need to manage our finances based on our own personal needs and not on what others dictate to us.
Thanks for sharing your deeply personal story. Your strength and desire to help others are inspiring. I admire your mindset for living a life filled with your passions. I agree, your logo is one of the best around. The attitude just oozes from it. Did you do it yourself? Finally, good luck and welcome aboard!
Buck, regarding my logo. I spend much time thinking about it and did not consider seriously blogging without my logo looking “perfect” in my opinion. I worked in marketing for 5 years and spend much time critiquing print pieces. I wrote an incredibly detailed brief and sent it to Logomojo. This bird was one of three options provided. She needed minor tweaking–her heels weren’t high enough on the first draft. She also needed longer and thicker eyelashes too.
Welcome to the Yakezie, Super Frugalette! Like others, I am also inspired by your story and appreciate that you would share it with us. I admire your determination!
Wow. What a moving post. Thanks for sharing your story with us, very inspirational to say the least!
Wow, what a moving post. What strikes me most about this post is how suddenly your life changed. For years, it was heading in a predictable and planned direction — and then suddenly, one day, you and your husband faced an entirely new reality. You’re managing it beautifully — I love your sentence in the comments in which you say that if you do your homework, you can make good choices.
I believe that having an interest outside family, home and kids is very important and writing a blog gives you an outlet where you can also interact with like minded people.
Thanks for sharing your story! I definately believe that “many folks do not fit the traditional financial mold”. You’re story sounds like you’re certainly one of those cases. You’re story is inspiring! Putting your MBA to good use in at home is perhaps the most fulfilling work you can do – since your “clients” are your family =)
I’m glad I didn’t overlook your member introduction. I hope you can help people see that personal finance is not black and white; we all have different greys in our life that influence and dictate our choices.
Welcome to the Yakezie; I’m looking forward to getting to know you better and learn from you in the future.
I have to agree with those who have stated that your story is inspirational, and I would also have to agree that personal finance is more personal than anyone could realize. Thanks for sharing.