Life is an interesting mix of phases. You are born, you hopefully have a great childhood where you can run free and have no worries. You go to college, get married, maybe have some kids, and then retire at some point down the road.
Each phase in life has its own ups and downs, some of which are out of your control and cannot be planned for. If you are lucky, you sail through all phases of life with happiness, joy, fulfillment, and realized dreams. However, life is rarely just sunshine and roses. At some point, at the very least, life can sometimes seem just plain boring. I know that as great as my life has been thus far, I have experienced some less-than-fulfilling times in my life. Let me explain…
LOOKING FOR PURPOSE
I loved being a stay at home mom while my kids were young and hadn’t gone to school yet. We had the best time, and life was so easy and carefree. I was OK when my first two kids marched off to kindergarten because I still had a child at home to take care of and keep me busy. (I admit, I still cried my face off when the older two went to kindergarten, but I got through it.) But when my youngest headed off to kindergarten, I was kind of lost. I felt like I no longer had a ‘job’.
My kids were gone for the bulk of the day, which many would see as a dream come true. It wasn’t my dream though. My purpose was gone from 8:00-3:00, and I kind of got in a funk. Not depressed, just blah. I didn’t fill my days with TV or anything, but I also didn’t get the bigger things accomplished that I had hoped to, like painting and updating some of the rooms in my house. My boredom was my own fault, and I think it was because I couldn’t find my purpose.
My quest for a purpose went on for a couple years. Then out of the blue, when my youngest was in second grade, my former employer called me and asked if I would come back to work. I said I would if it could be part time and I could work from home. The deal was done: my career was to be a computer programmer from my couch.
IN SEARCH FOR FULFILLMENT
Guess what? Over time, I fell right back into my rut again. What was wrong with me? I had what many would view as a dream job: part time, good pay, and no commute. I was able to attend all of my kid’s events, I was able to be home with them in the summer and when they were sick. What more could I want? Was I becoming a spoiled brat?
No! What I realized was that I just hadn’t found something that I really wanted to do yet. I was just living life, working for some cash but having somewhat unrealistic expectations of my job. Pay was fine, my work arrangement was fine. However, I wasn’t getting fulfillment from my job. But is that my job’s responsibility? Not necessarily. The role of my job is to provide me with a paycheck. Once I realized that, dissatisfaction from my job virtually disappeared. I did know though that I wanted to find a job or a hobby I felt passionate about.
WHEN BLOGGING FOUND ME
In March of 2010, I decided to take the leap and take on blogging. Writing always sounded fun, but I never really had a ‘platform’. Traffic did not flow right away, but it did build over time. Something interesting was happening through my process of blogging though. I found myself jumping out of bed to start writing and reading other blogs. When I was waiting for an appointment, I was writing notes on future blog topics. When I was driving, new ideas just flowed through my head like never before. I was inspired!
After 43 years, I found a ‘job’ (besides being a mom) that I truly loved. It pulled me right out of that rut and my blog energized me. With the exception of getting up to feed a starving child, I never got out of bed as quickly as I do now. Sure there are times that I feel a little burned out, but then I just take a break for a day and then a new idea gets me going again.
DON’T ACCEPT BOREDOM!
What I have learned from all of this, and my suggestion to anyone that find themselves stuck is a rut, is that you don’t have to just accept boredom. I have always told my kids that only boring people get bored, yet I didn’t apply that logic to myself. (I hate to think of how boring I was for awhile!) It can be hard to realize you are in a rut, and even harder to find a way out.
I was lucky in that my inspiration just sort of happened to me, because seeking it out wasn’t really working for me. However, I will never let myself fall into a long-term rut again. If I sense it happening, I will pursue a new hobby. Maybe I will try to learn piano or volunteer at the nursing home down the street. Regardless, I will always be on the lookout for that something that will get me jumping out of bed in the morning. Maybe in 5 years my inspiration will be teaching basic finance to the underprivileged, who knows. Life changes and evolves all the time, and your attitude has to evolve along with it.
Don’t just sit there and let life pass you by. If you find your life boring and unfulfilling, then open your mind and give something new and exciting (to you) a try. I am not saying you have to change careers, but maybe if you spend an hour a day exploring a new activity, you might just find that something that re-energizes and fulfills you.
Readers, have you ever been stuck in a long-term rut? If so, how did you get out of it?
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I know what you mean Kris! While I wasn’t at home with a blah feeling, I was sick of my job during the day. It became dry and uninteresting! Now that I started my website, I have something to look forward to during that slow day at work! Plus, it allows me to make some extra cash on the side. I plan on sharing my experiences online for a long time! :)
It is amazing how much a ‘hobby’ can be motivating and make other parts of your life more tolerable (or enjoyable). I was in a really boring job for a year and it was horrible. Blogging wasn’t around back then though…
Hey Kris, Getting in a funk like that is more common than most people would believe. I’ve also been in many “need a purpose” funks over the years. Fortunately, I’m not in one now, although I don’t think I will ever jump out of bed, no matter how happy and fulfilled I am :). But I love that blogging is what helped you !
CNC – I went through major ‘purpose funk’ after the birth of my first son. That can be a real tough one to get through.
Jumping out of bed is getting harder and harder here since the sun is never, ever out anymore.
Ugh – I have been in the same situation for the past year now… Careers are mult-dimensional and “dream jobs” usually fill different “career buckets” (something I plan to post on this weekend.
Enjoyed reading your own story and good luck!
I look forward to your post, and I love your logo/gravatar/whatever you call it.
A lot of job enjoyment just comes from where you are at mentally and emotionally. If you are in a ‘good’ place, it is a lot easier to tolerate a less-than-fulfilling job than when things are not going well in other aspects of your life too. Wouldn’t it be nice for everything to be going great??
The passion you have comes flying out on your blog and considering that you get 20 to 50 comments PER POST! You should take pride knowing that you are pulling others out of their rut by simply writing
Evan, that is a very nice thing for you to say. However, remember that a lot of those comments are from ME as I do try to respond to most comments people leave. So I am really not nearly as impressive as you think!
Kris, you are my role model!
My job was fun when I first started, but now it’s a chore and I am sick of it. I am weaning my addiction to the pay check and will be able to get away some day.
Blogging is a lot of fun, but I don’t think it’s my true passion. It might help me find it though.
RB40, not sure you want me as a role model! :)
The best thing that ever happened for me regarding tolerating my job was having a 9 month break. During those 9 months, I started my blog and kind of ‘reset’ my perspective. Now, my job is just a paycheck and a way to make money. I don’t get as frustrated over the little things at work like I used to. It is a lot easier to say ‘oh well’ and move on. I was kind of my own worst enemy because I allowed myself to get frustrated over little slights. No more!
However, it is a lot easier for me to say this because I don’t have a career. I have basically been a mom the past 16 years and worked on and off at the same job over that span of time. If I were the main breadwinner, my attitude would probably be somewhat different. However, I do like not getting emotionally tied up like I used to.
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Excellent points! I also jump out of bed to post or comment and find myself thinking of ideas or scribbling a rough draft of a post while I wait for an appointment, etc. There’s always so much to learn and do that no one should ever be bored.
If you’re serious about teaching personal finance to the underprivileged, email me. I’m working on a money management curriculum for high school aged-students. I should have it mostly banged out in the next month or two (I have rough draft but I need detailed activities figured out.) I’m here to help!
Little House, it is funny how much our brains drift toward writing in our ‘down time’. I love long drives in the car now because ideas just flow through my head. It keeps my brain engaged.
I would love to get some info from you on PF for high school kids. It is great you are developing a curriculum like that!
Great post. I’ve definitely had some lazy ruts in my personal life. I always have worked hard at school and at my job though. I never let those slip b/c I always wanted to stay independent financially. I think you make a good point about overlooking the advice we give to others for ourselves. It’s so easy to point out what other people aren’t doing well and voice our opinions of what we think they should be doing. Facing our own flaws is tough and takes a lot of practice and perseverance. Awesome job on finding your passion!
Thanks Charlie. Ruts can be so hard to jump out of because you have to recognize you are in one, and you have to be motivated to get out. Good job in always striving to be financially independent. If only everyone operated that way!
I totally agree….everyone needs that kind of inspiration for waking up every morning.
I know of so many people who waste time being bord when they could be helping others and doing something which will be worthy in ten years to come. Definately an inspiring post
Natalia- thank you for your kind comments. It is amazing how many people like to complain, but aren’t so excited about actually doing something about it…
Hi Kris, You have a gift for writing. I really enjoy your articles and feel like I am on the sidelines in your life! Your enthusiasm really shows!! It’s wierd how an activity with minimal renumeration can offer so much enjoyment!
Barb, thanks for the writing compliment. I never thought of myself as a writer as I have always had more of a ‘math brain’. However, I do really enjoy it, even if I am far from perfect at it.
Wouldn’t it be great if the renumeration wasn’t minimal?? :)
I think the phrase ‘dream job’ can be so misleading. It’s only a dream job if it’s *your* dream. I admire your ability to follow yours! Many people (myself included) have a hard time summoning the courage to go out and follow that passion. I’m working on getting mine started, and I’ll be thinking of your experience!
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Hello Kris!
Nice article. I certainly have had my blah moments from time-to-time, but mine do not normally last too long (I always have a to-do list, which is not necessarily the answer either).
However, my husband seems to be going through quite the “rut” right now. Perhaps a semi-quarter life crisis (he’s only 30)? It definitely affects the other person as well. How did your husband cope? We are fine, and have been talking through his life and things of interest to him, but it can bring me into the “blah” zone as well sometimes.
Oh boy, it can be very difficult trying to help the spouse. I obviously had my ‘blah’ times and my husband had his when he was stuck in a cruddy situation at his job. What worked for both of us was to make a change.
In my case, my husband would listen to me be upset or whatever, but he couldn’t really help me- I needed to help myself. (I just didn’t know how, it kind of just happened.) Had he been negative toward me though or starting telling me what to do, I probably would have been pretty miserable. I think what you can do is encourage your husband to find something he truly enjoys and go for it. It could be an art class, making taking a community college class in a different area, whatever. Action helps, but it can’t be overwhelming. Also, it has to come from the person in the rut. You can’t take it personally though and you can’t make his happiness be your responsibility. The moods of your spouse definitely affect the whole household, and it can get tiresome and frustrating. Make sure you keep yourself busy and happy so you don’t get too wrapped up in his situation.
Talk to him about what he would do if he had to start all over again with a clean slate. Does he need to work toward a new profession? Get his mind working so he can see that there is a path to get him where he wants to go. Maybe he doesn’t even know what it is. I know writing has helped me tremendously, but everyone is different.
Good luck, and stay happy yourself!
Hi Kris! Great article!
I couldn’t agree more when you said, “only boring people gets bored.” The sad reality is I get bored a lot at work doing the same things over and over again. I guess, I must be boring. :-)
The good news is, when I get bored, I try to find something to do…just anything I can get my hands into. I feel I’d better do something productive than just sit around all day. That’s when I also started working on my blog at Rich Money Habits just like you.
Thanks for sharing your inspiring story. More power!
Hi Allan!
It can be really hard to not be bored at work if the work you are given is out of your control. I have had situations where I asked for more work, and the boss wouldn’t give it to me. I felt trapped and awful.
Having an outlet is a great thing.
I want to thank you for writing this, it couldn’t have come at a better time.
I believe that Mom’s get in the habit of doing for our families that we forget about us and we get bored or stuck, but thinking ahead and trying to remember that life is exciting, and each day brings something new. It can bring an experience or let down, but the key to it all is…. your loved ones around you! No matter how much life gets to us, we need to appreciate our loved ones and be happy we have today. It is exciting, and tomorrow might be just a little more or less.
I think my husband needs to read this article.
Thank you Kris for this article.
Coco- I am glad you liked the post!
It is so true that moms can ‘lose themselves’ in the process of taking care of others. However, you are so right, being surrounded by loved ones is what matters. But balance is a great thing- appreciating others and appreciating yourself. There is so many great opportunities out there in the world. You just have to open your eyes and find some!
Great article Kris! Blogging has set me free in similar ways!
Can you believe that some people want their kids to go to school all year around? I personally think that isn’t a good idea… “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” (lol)
Blogging has had a similar effect on me too, I now realize that there is fun and uplifting types of work (well sort of work).
MR- I would be so bummed if the kids went to school year around. I am already planning a bunch of things to do this summer!
I am glad you enjoy writing too, it is such a great outlet. Kind of like free therapy!
Syd- what a good point about how one person’s dream job may not be the dream of others. I am lucky in that I am able to do what I enjoy because we have been a one income household for so long that anything I make is ‘extra’ money. Not everyone is able to just pursue a dream because they need to make a certain amount of money to live on.
Best of luck to you and your dream!
Wonderful thoughts – getting in a rut is easy to do, but getting out can be as simple as trying something different. Not everything will inspire you, but you increase your chances if you dabble in a few things.
Kris, thanks for sharing your story. I think the last time I was “stuck in a rut” was perhaps 8-9 years ago, during the last economic downturn. I was bored out of my mind during the weekends b/c as you know, I get up by 6:30am-7am and had nothing to do on Saturdays and Sundays. So, I decided to go to b-school part-time, and voila! No more rut, just a lot of work and people to meet!
[…] match his temperament — such a life, to Moe, was one of boredom and predictability. He was stuck in a rut, but breaking out tested him to the core of his being. Why? Because it was all or none; his father […]
I appreciate your story and am so glad you got out of the rut with blogging. You are an amazing writer!
As they say, the grass is always greener on ther other side, and sometimes we have unrealistic expectations. I have talked about getting out of the rat race in the past, but I actually have it good where I am too, and really there are good sides and bad sides. Sometimes I get myself stuck in a rut and I feel like a work slave, but it really is mental. Having other hobbies and passions really helps with this because it really helps to diversify your mental energies as well as your identity.
I think a lot of it just comes down to dedication and hard work. I used to have the image in my head of a sort of “zen” person who can just crank ideas out all day like nothing, but a lot of creativity and passion really is just being dedicated to what you love. The truth behind many of these “zen” people is that they’re simply willing to go further and harder than many people would, and we see the end result but not all of the steps made along the way.
Sometimes we also just need a little patience. I know someone at a company which recently went through some trouble and they went through salary cuts and increasing work burden, and that stress can add up over time. They were comtemplating quitting and moving on to something else but in the end they were rewarded with a substantial salary raise and promotion. Sometimes ruts and bad situations can seem more permanent than they really are.
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Great article, Kris! I totally agree! It is really fulfilling (and exciting) to do what you really want. If you get stuck on a rut, find a new hobby. Something that makes you wake up everyday, looking forward to doing it immediately.
Thanks for sharing your story! I hope a lot of people gets to read your article and serve as an eye-opener for them. :)
Blogging definitely pulled me out of a rut. I would come home each day and watch TV and just be bored. Now I read and write nightly, and make a little money doing it. I just feel so much more productive.
Feeling productive is an amazing feeling and seeing progress is the key to happiness!
Thanks for sharing this piece. I find that at my age (23) it’s easy to get stuck in a rut because you’re done college and likely engaging in un-fulfilling activities. If you work a job you hate, all you have to look forward to is getting completely wasted on the weekends.
What gets me out of any ruts is hanging out with friends, blogging, and training hard. I love to push myself. The only time that I get into a rut now is when I can’t push myself for whatever reason.
Man, such a different perspective you provide as a 23 year old regarding the weekend! I like it. I look forward to blogging, tennis, hiking, and going out to eat duringthe weekends. I try and mix it in during the week, but not as much as I like.
I’m flying home today and have scheduled several meet ups with some new folks.
Great post and great responses guys. I battle this from time to time and it is one of my greatest enemies. Luckily I have started blogging myself (obviously, since I am here!) It has been a Godsend!
It’s great that you’ve found blogging to be the end to your rut. I’ve officially been blogging for…four months, I think, and it’s already proving to be the way out of my rut as well.
For me, blogging was a way to get out of the cycle of school. I can’t stand school; at some point years ago I realized how little I enjoyed it, and I fell from As in absolutely everything to…well, less than awesome. I completely withdrew from it, nothing about it was stimulating, and not a single bit of it was centered around what I wanted to learn. It was just the same thing over and over again, the same old topics that had been rehashed a billion different ways despite there being no real change in the underlying subject. I mean, is Roman history any different in 2011 than it was in 2001? Not really.
For me, MoneyMamba has been a way to explore all the topics I’d love to explore in school but can’t. Those lovely pre-requisites got in the way of everything I enjoy doing, so MoneyMamba had to serve as an outlet. Since starting, my grades have improved since I can now dedicate at least SOME of my time to an interest of mine. It’s awesome, really, and I know that if I can just stick it out for one more semester, that I can get back into the topic I love and to the grades that I used to get. I can’t wait for school to be fun again, but until then, blogging will have to do!
I’ve had a few ruts for sure. I have changed jobs, my routine and traveled to keep myself feeling fresh and motivated. I try to control my stress and keep active too.
When ever I am frustrated or bored, I have to take action. That is my solution! Teaching is my seventh career, although I have trained employees throughout my career. I enjoy teaching high school students because everyday I get a chance to influence young people. I get up every morning looking forward to go to work. I even work during intersession or summer school. What I am describing is finding my passion. Blogging is becoming my second love. I remember people talking about these things and didn’t understand it until I found it.
What a great story– and I’m so happy to hear that blogging has filled your life with so much purpose, drive, and happiness.
I find the same thing for myself too- blogging gives me some purpose and an outlet for creativity, marketing, passion, and entrepreneurship. I like the “balance” I have between the two worlds.
Your advice is spot on! They say that anything can become a J-O-B and I would agree for the most part. The thing I try to remember is that my job doesn’t define who I am. It’s what I do to make a living. What I do with my wife, friends, family, free time – that’s a much better place to look for creating a fulfilling life. Obviously you can’t totally rule out your job because it is a large part of our lives, but finding fulfillment in those things outside of work will help keep you out of those ruts.
Carpe diem! I love this article. A few things that get me out of ruts are: exercising, taking a walk, meditating, praying, organizing, decluttering or cleaning.
What a timely post for me to read. I have been feeling like I have been in a rut for so long now and I can’t seem to place what it is. It is really frustrating. Right now I am just plugging along and getting by hoping that this will go away at some point. Thanks for the great advice. I will keep trying different things to see which one will do the trick.
“The role of my job is to provide me with a paycheck. Once I realized that, dissatisfaction from my job virtually disappeared. I did know though that I wanted to find a job or a hobby I felt passionate about.” — I love this point! I too found that blogging became an outlet for me and a way to beat the boredom! Love your advice also on finding something new and fun to try even if there is no pay involved. Now that’s living!
I am sure many can relate to your story. It is easy to get stuck in a rut and extremely hard to stumble upon a new passion. My blog also pulled me out of a rut as I am not into the programming thing anymore but like you said: there are bills to pay right?
But there’s also a life to live and a hobby certainly makes it more enjoyable!
Learning how to self-motivate is a skill many never learn. It is a sign of maturity and insight! Keep it up!
[…] Kris at Every Day Tips writes a great story about getting out of your rut and finding your passion at the Yakezie site. […]
I know exactly what you mean! It’s easy to get stuck in a rut even if you have a goal that you are striving towards. Great story!
Awesome post! It looks like everyone can relate. I too spring out of bed reading and writing. However, if taken too far, you can burn out. Happy Medium!